Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Sunny Days

I'm really good at deciding to do things.  I'm less good at following through.   We've all heard that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, right?  Well, for me it's not so much hell as fat and lazy town.  Although, according to my Fitbit, I've been moving a lot more lately.  Not running, mind you (though I did do some yesterday), but chasing this little girl:

Adorable, right?  We got her a week ago today, pretty much completely unplanned.  I mean, we are dog people.  We knew we were going to get another dog eventually - we'd talked about maybe April, depending on whether or not I'd found a permanent job by then. 

We'd talked about getting a Golden Retriever, because they're great dogs, and we figured probably a puppy.   But it was all talk.   Then about a week and a half ago, Andy gets a call from a breeder that he'd briefly spoken to ages ago.   She had three female puppies left, was he interested?  I think this was on a Wednesday.  Thursday, I interviewed for a job and thought it went pretty well. Friday I got approached about another job, out of the blue, and by Friday afternoon we were discussing puppy names.   Sunday, Andy drove down to Virginia while I cleaned the house with two oblivious kids.  

Boy were THEY surprised when I said "Papa's bringing a friend over - do you want to see her picture?"  Boom.  Squeals, giggles, jumping up and down.  We are dog people. 

So what does Sunny (short for Sunshine, my son's idea) have to do with me not getting my butt in gear and getting back on a regular running schedule?  Well.... puppy.  Middle of the night has to pee, puppy.  Gets up when you get up, puppy.  Have to supervise her pretty much constantly. puppy. 

Therefore, my idea of getting up at 4:30 to run before my husband leaves to go to work is pretty  much out the window.  The past week has been go to bed, get up in the middle of the night to walk Sunny, go back to bed, get up at 5, let her out, feed her, walk her, take a shower, get the kids ready, go to work, come home, walk her, feed her, etc, etc, etc.  Fairly non stop puppy activity.  

I think, though, that we're finally getting into a routine, and so hopefully things will even out soon and I'll be able to carve out some "me" time. 

Of course, considering it's now day 3 of trying to write this post, maybe that's easier said than done. 

But, still. 


Friday, January 16, 2015

Holes Filled In

When we last left our heroine in the fall of 2014, she had just completed the North Coast 24 Hour Endurance Run  and then ... well, then she fell off the face of the blogging planet, only to return a few days ago with a "Oh, hey.  How's it?"  

What dark mysteries befell our fair leading lady in what will forever be known as "The Time Without Di?"   Where did she go, what worlds did she conquer?  Find out on today's episode of "No, really, girl, where the hell were you and why didn't you take a writing class while you were gone?"

Ok, ok, fine.  You wanna know where I've been, what I've been doing?  Here are the bullet points, broken down by month. Nosy buggers.

September 2014

  • NC 24 (race recap here)
  • Job hunting
  • Dog hunting (that didn't sound right.  LOOKING for a dog, not hunting/shooting/hurting dogs)
  • Adopted a dog! Yay! 
October 2014
  • No running
  • Dealing with crazy new dog
  • Party planning for my parents' 40th anniversary

November 2014
  • Still no running
  • Gave crazy dog back to rescue
  • Grandpa died same day
  • Heart broken
  • Dealt badly with grief
  • Job hunting
December 2014
  • Friend says "Hey, I'm going on maternity leave. You should do my job while I'm gone!" I said "Ha, right!"
  • I  sign up with a temp agency and friend's boss hires me to start doing her job while she's gone. 
  • Still no running. 
  • Still (permanent) job hunting 
  • Still grieving.  So many things. 

January 2014
  • Adjusting to working plus dealing w/kids and hubby
  • Still not really running, but walking
  • Ran once
  • Logging calories and losing a bit of weight
  • Not sleeping
. . . and that brings us up to date.  Just a few days shy of my 36th birthday and - I don't know.  No real progress since this time last year, no betterment of self, save the (tiny) paycheck I'm bringing home these days. 

Also, I'm still apparently not able to write an entire blog post (or even a succession of bullet points) in the same tense.  Take THAT, high school English teacher! Or something. 

Anyway, things are coming down the pipe that could be interesting, could be game-changing, but I don't know.  We'll see.  Things are uncertain right now.  I've come to realize all I really know in life is that I don't know anything.  Which is liberating and saddening at the same time.   Is saddening a word?  Spell check says yes, but my brain is having a problem with it.  Hmmm....  Brain vs. spell check, next time on WWF! 

Oh my word, I need caffeine.  Or a nap.  Or chocolate.  Or a glass of wine.  Or maybe I just need to stop typi -

Wednesday, January 14, 2015


I got home from work last night (see, I told you a lot had happened recently) and I was so tired and cranky that I nearly just plopped down on the couch and gave in to a severe case of "I don't give a crap."  But I'd told friends I was going to go for a run (walk), so I dragged myself upstairs and put on the loosest running clothes I could find and headed out.

I got out on to the main road where I used to run, intending to just walk a couple of miles, and maybe throw in some short bursts of running to get myself back into the swing of things.  (It has, after all, been four freaking months since I took even one running step.)   Three steps into my walk, however, I started to run.

Not fast, and I'm sure not pretty, but running, nevertheless.  It felt goooood.  I'd forgotten how much I missed it.  After a little while, it started to feel less good.  It felt a little like work, to be honest.   But I figured I'd just go as far as I could before I had to walk.

A few minutes later, I realized that I really wanted to quit.  Instead, I decided to turn around.  Surely I could run all the way home - after all, I knew I hadn't even gone a mile yet.  Surely I could run another "not even a mile" home, right?

I made it all the way home without walking, feeling like I'd just accomplished something.  According to Google Maps (because I didn't bother wearing my poor, lonely Garmin), I'd run 1.8 miles.

Considering I've done 12 miles without walking before, and 41 miles of walking and running, 1.8 might not seem like much.  But it felt like much. It felt like a really wonderful start back into something that I've been missing.

So... yay me!  (I'm allowed to say that - it's my blog)

Next up - deciding what races to sign up for, even though I've told my husband (and myself) that NC24 will be my only race this year.   Races are like chips, right?  You can't just have ONE.

Monday, January 12, 2015

The Real Slim Shady

After basically quitting running back in September, I arrived in the New Year even more unhealthy and lumpy than I was before.  Which, if I'm perfectly honest, is kind of how I've started every New Year since I've had kids.  I mean, I've never been 300 lbs (or anything close to it), nor is my health really all that poor.  Which could be why I've never really done a whole lot to better myself - because I haven't ever gotten "that bad."  

Well, "that bad" is relative, and as I slide closer to 36 (that just sounds so impossible), I've realized that "not that bad" is completely unacceptable and must be replaced by "pretty freaking awesome."  After all, I've got plans, baby!  Can't head back to Cleveland (yeah, that's right - another 24 hour race for me this year, god help me) in the same - or worse - shape as last year.  

So I bought a new FitBit (gave the old one to my mom a few months ago during one of my heavier "slacking" periods) and started tracking calories via My Fitness Pal again this week.  

After 1 week of logging my food, I have come to a startling conclusion.  Eating a "normal" or "appropriate" amount of calories is really damn easy for me and I have no idea why I haven't been doing it all along.  I weighed myself last Monday and again today, and after just one week, I'm down 3 lbs.  I'm sure most of it is water weight, but I don't care.  It's weight that's gone, and hopefully weight that is never coming back.  

I still have quite a ways to go, but I've realized that it's completely "do-able" and as long as I don't completely bullshit myself by setting up unrealistic expectations, I should have little trouble getting myself to a healthy weight. 

Now to get back to running.  That may be a bit harder.  

I don't know what it is, exactly, but there has been a near-crippling inertia surrounding me the past few months.  Part of it, I know, was "the blues" - we had some difficult situations before the holidays and I tend to get mired in things.  But I am feeling better these days and despite the weather (I am already "over" winter), I should be able to get out there and get running. 

It just hasn't happened yet. 

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Starting Over

Man, it's dusty in here.  Lots of cobwebs build up when you don't post for nearly 4 months.  Also true for running.  Lots of cobwebs. Or something.

So a ton has happened, and yet nothing has changed - or maybe things have changed, but things are still the same.... Confused yet? Don't worry, you get used to it.

The main thing is that I'm trying again.   Which may not seem like much, especially if you're a Yoda follower, but really, to me it's a lot.  Because when I quit, I quit.  Full force, unmovable, done, finito.  So it's good that I'm trying again. Living. Moving.  Being a part of things instead of being on the sidelines of my own life.

My husband was showing the kids some old videos of when we first moved into this house, four years ago, and I actually said, "Wow.  I used to be fun."

So, I'm back. I'm trying.  What that will ultimately look like, I have no idea.  But I'm grateful for the chance.