Thursday, February 28, 2013


After not being able to run due to illness for 6 weeks, running on Monday - though difficult since I'm not completely healthy - felt so freeing.  Yet when yesterday dawned and I was set to head out on another run, I broke down.  I talked myself out of going, even though the sun was shining and the weather was perfect.  I cleaned my house and watched t.v. instead, telling myself I'd go after the kids were in bed last night.

But I didn't.

Today a million voices rage in my head, my old demons telling me that I'm not good enough and that I'm not going to be able to meet my goals and wouldn't it just be easier to give up now?  Then there are the other voices, the voices of the many friends I've made since I started running, telling me to keep going, that I've come so far already, and that it's just putting one foot in front of another.  There's also my voice, the voice that I found through running, reminding me that it's really not a competition, and there's no reason to try to be anything other than what I am.  I don't have to race, I don't have to run a set number of miles per week - I can just run.

The fear is heavy today.  Fear that I will give up, like I've given up everything else in my life, just quit, and walk away.  Fear, too, of disappointing people even if I don't give up - fear that I'll never quite measure up.  I want to scream, because I know that it doesn't really matter what anyone else says, or thinks - that it only matters that I do what is right for myself, that I do what I can, as best as I can.

I really wish I had gone running yesterday.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Picture This

Starting a running blog while unable to run probably wasn't my smartest move ever.  We (that's the royal we) are in week 6 of not running, and having a pretty darn boring blog.  My apologies.  Today in an effort to not whine about not running, I present you with two pictures.   The first sums up what my life has been like for the past 5+ weeks.   The second is representative of what's wrong with this lovely country of ours (in my humble yet loud opinion).

First Picture: 

When you have 6 medicine measuring cups on the window sill above your sink, it's fairly safe to say that your life is not exactly a roaring good time.   Unless, of course, you're using said medicine in an unlawful way (but then why would you bother with the measuring cups?). 

Second picture:

While shopping at the mall today, I stopped to get a Dr. Pepper, which is basically my one addiction in life, besides running (and shopping).  I asked for a small, and was handed that cup.  If you can't quite see, on the bottom it's printed that the cup holds 32 oz.  THIRTY TWO OUNCES.  I balked and said to the kid behind the counter "That's a SMALL?"  His response "Well, no, but all drinks are the same price."   Oh, right, well that makes sense.  Not.  *eye roll*   I ended up drinking about half of it.  What in the world?  Am I the only one who is turned off by the huge cups everywhere? Do you remember what a small soda used to look like? When did we all decide that bigger was better, in calories and everything else? Bah humbug. 

And now that I've got my grumpy face on, I'll leave you with something that I found cheerful today.  For your viewing pleasure, I present you with...   Marathon Thoughts.  

Friday, February 15, 2013

Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my!

I feel like I've been in OZ for the past 5 weeks - or dropped down a rabbit hole somewhere.  Being sick for so long, I really feel as if I've lost time.  My daughter's 4th birthday party is in two weeks and I've done no planning.  We're flying to visit my parents next month and I have yet to get a rental car.  I have a 10 mile race coming up and I'm feeling bewildered as to how I'm going to run it, considering I've been a giant couch potato for the past month.

But.  On the bright side.  I'm feeling better - at last - and I'm hoping that the antibiotics I was finally given have kicked this thing (cough, bronchitis, whatever the heck it was) in the butt, and that I can move on with my life, instead of staying in this stagnant hole that I've been in for weeks on end.  

So, I'm dusting myself off and declaring sick time over.  It's time that I get back to the land of the living and stop being so pathetic and "woe is me."

Of course, it's supposed to snow all weekend.  How's that for my running come back? *grumble grumble*  That's ok.  I have socks that declare me to be a Bad Ass.  I can run in snow after being out with bronchitis for 5 weeks, right?

Errr... maybe I'll hit the gym and reacquaint myself with the treadmill.  Either way.  Up and running.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Skirting the issue

Not running for three weeks is enough to drive anyone crazy - add to that the fact that I'm trying to save $$ and curb spending, and you have a full-blown insane girl on your hands.   So what has this insane girl been doing?  Web window shopping, of course!

A few months after I started running, I discovered these skirts and have been a fan ever since.  I have four of the Gym Girl Ultras currently, and had to retire a white one after it got washed with something it shouldn't have and turned a horrible gray shade.  I tried dyeing it, but that did not go well, and I had to chalk the skirt up as a loss.  :-(   I love the skirts for their practicality - long shorts underneath keep my thighs from chafing, they have pockets that will hold my key, phone, tissues, whatever I need.  They also have a hole in the skirt for your headphones so that if you listen to music while you run, you're all set.  I also love the way these skirts look and feel.

THEN I discovered Lululemon and this skirt.  I am IN LOVE with this skirt.  I don't own one yet, but I have a few friends who have it, and they love it.  I think it's just too freaking adorable. This skirt is going to be my "reward" after I finish my Half Marathon this spring.  Unless I cave before then.  So! Cute!

Are you a skirt runner?  What are some of your favorite running pieces? 

Friday, February 1, 2013

First February Friday!

I can't believe it's February already. How in the world?  Where did January go?

Woke up to snow this morning - not enough to delay or cancel Kindergarten for my son, just enough to make it pretty and my daughter to beg to play outside....which I am not up for since I'm still coughing my head off, despite two prescription medications.  Boo.

Been thinking a lot about races that I have coming up this year, mostly because every day my training log tells me how far behind I am (gotta love technology!).  I was going to do a 5K in February with a friend, but for various reasons, she and I both decided to scrap it, so my first race is not until March.  

I'm doing the Break Away 5K in March which is raising money to help victims of domestic violence.  Pretty good cause, though it's sad that we need it!  I'm not planning on "racing" this 5K, though at some point this year, I do need to see if I can beat my PR, which people have told me is "soft," but darn if it didn't feel hard as crap the day I got it! LOL

April will bring the Cherry Blossom 10-Miler, which I am super excited about but also completely nervous about.  By now in my training, I should be up to 8 mile runs, but because I haven't run in 3 weeks, I have yet to run longer than 7 miles, ever.  I know I still have plenty of time, but those nasty voices in my head like to tell me that I can't, or I won't, blah, blah.   Why do I do that to myself?  Grr.

May is when the BIG DADDY happens.   My first ever Half Marathon.  I am alternately terrified and so excited I could scream.  I signed up a few months ago, when May seemed oh so far away, but these days it seems too close and I'm uber frustrated at the past three weeks of lost training.  Since I'm not going for any particular time goal, I know that I still have PLENTY of time to train, but I'm nervous anyway.

The funny thing is that I'm also signed up for a HM in October.  And it's 600 miles away, so I will be committing to plane tickets and hotel reservations.   And I don't even know if I like HMs yet!  On the other hand, I will be meeting up with some awesome people, so even if I end up on the sidelines cheering THEM on, it'll be worth the trip.

(I'm lying. If I don't run that HM - and beat my time from May - I will cry)

Is that all the races I've signed up for so far? I guess it is.  Hu.  Doesn't seem like as many as I thought.  Maybe I need to find some more.  

This is what happens when I can't run.  I drool over running clothes I can't afford, and think about races to sign up for - that I can't currently train for.  I is smart.  *sigh*

What do you do when you can't run?