Well, "that bad" is relative, and as I slide closer to 36 (that just sounds so impossible), I've realized that "not that bad" is completely unacceptable and must be replaced by "pretty freaking awesome." After all, I've got plans, baby! Can't head back to Cleveland (yeah, that's right - another 24 hour race for me this year, god help me) in the same - or worse - shape as last year.
So I bought a new FitBit (gave the old one to my mom a few months ago during one of my heavier "slacking" periods) and started tracking calories via My Fitness Pal again this week.
After 1 week of logging my food, I have come to a startling conclusion. Eating a "normal" or "appropriate" amount of calories is really damn easy for me and I have no idea why I haven't been doing it all along. I weighed myself last Monday and again today, and after just one week, I'm down 3 lbs. I'm sure most of it is water weight, but I don't care. It's weight that's gone, and hopefully weight that is never coming back.
I still have quite a ways to go, but I've realized that it's completely "do-able" and as long as I don't completely bullshit myself by setting up unrealistic expectations, I should have little trouble getting myself to a healthy weight.
Now to get back to running. That may be a bit harder.
I don't know what it is, exactly, but there has been a near-crippling inertia surrounding me the past few months. Part of it, I know, was "the blues" - we had some difficult situations before the holidays and I tend to get mired in things. But I am feeling better these days and despite the weather (I am already "over" winter), I should be able to get out there and get running.
It just hasn't happened yet.