Thursday, May 8, 2014

I Am What I Am

I'm feeling a bit like Popeye today.  Minus the muscles, pipe, and spinach.  So, really more like Olive Oyl. Except with a gut.  And slightly smaller feet.


Apparently I am really bad with analogies today.  Goodness.  Moving on.......

I had a craptacular run today.  It wasn't even a run, really.  It was mostly a walk.  Partly a shuffle.  Occasionally, I think I actually did something that could qualify as running.  In the hour that I was out at the park, walking and shuffling and running, I was doing a lot of thinking.

Most of the thinking went like this: "I SUCK at this! I've been doing this for over two years now, you'd think I'd be better at it by now.  I mean, really.  Oh, crap, here comes a runner.  Should I speed up, or would that be totally obvious? She's not looking at me anyway, and oh - she passed me already. Right. Because she's running.   What am I doing? How long have I been out here?  God, only 40 minutes?  No way am I making it to two hours today.  As soon as I get to the car, I'm done.  I'm not doing another loop.  I can do a two hour run on Saturday.  Or Sunday.  Sunday is Mother's Day.  I get the day "off."  So I can go for a two hour run and not feel guilty, right?  Or I could just sleep in.  Sleep is good.  Holy hell, where is the damn car???"

When I got home from the park, I made myself a huge salad and sat on the couch, eating and feeling sorry for myself.  Then an old friend called and while we were chatting, I started to feel better, until she mentioned these "crazy people" that were doing run/walk intervals during the half marathon she just did.  I spoke up, trying to explain that it's actually a valid way to race, and that I've done it.... but my heart just wasn't in it.  I was feeling so crappy that I couldn't even defend myself, so I just shut up.

Last fall, I ran 12 miles with only one (60 second) walk break.  Lately, I can hardly run 1 mile without walking.  I've finished two half marathons, two 10 mile races, a bunch of 5Ks.  I've run over 900 miles since I started running, and yet today I'm sitting here feeling  like a fraud for calling myself  a runner.

Why?  Because I walk sometimes.

Then I got to thinking.  Jeff Galloway has a bajillion followers (give or take a few gajillion).  That means that there are plenty of people out there running races using run/walk intervals.  Fast people, slow people, old people, young people.

There are also people who run Ultras - people who can run 50Ks, 50 Milers, 100 milers.... and they walk during them, sometimes.  When the terrain is rough, or when they just need to give their minds and bodies a break.  Could anyone dare say those badasses are not runners because sometimes they walk?

So what's my problem, exactly?


I guess I'm just having a bad day.  I'm hoping that tomorrow I'll wake up and feel differently about things, because I certainly don't enjoy feeling this way.  Maybe I'd feel better if there was another term I could call myself instead of a runner.  Maybe ...  endurance athlete?  Idiot ? Either of those could probably apply.  

Either way, as Popeye says, I am what I am and that's all that I am....   Whatever that may be. 


10 comments:

  1. There is absolutely nothing wrong with walking during a run/race! It does not make you less of a runner! Of the 25 marathons/ultras I've done, I have walked at regular intervals in 23 of them! In ultras, you are encouraged to walk! Keep your chin up and keep moving forward!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I don't know what my issue was yesterday - I'm usually the first person to tell people that it's ok to walk. I just get frustrated sometimes, I guess.

      Delete
  2. it is so easy to get down on yourself. i completely understand. i am haunted by those negative little gremlins at the beginning of almost every run i've ever done. they always tell me i'm uncoordinated and clumsy. that i can't run fast and that maybe i should give up. eventually it passes...but sometimes it take a few weeks (or more...)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't it amazing how mean we can be to ourselves? We would never be so negative to other runners - why do we do it to ourselves?

      Delete
  3. Lots of people that do run/walk intervals beat me in races. There's no harm in it at ALL!! During my half marathon, which was partially out & back, I saw the women's LEADER walk for a bit. Don't be so hard on yourself!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I am going to blame all this on PMS... even though that's not actually true. LOL I'm feeling better today. Yesterday, I just felt so awful. Ugh.

      Delete
  4. Ummm...Hunter and I are planning on a run/walk for his half and that is perfectly legit!!
    And, in my race tomorrow I'm planning to do a run/walk because the last time I tried this I just walked when I needed a break but that was too late - I'm going for the preventative and I think that doesn't in any way take away from completing the goal!
    Remember you are doing far more than 90% of all people!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know!! I was being so stupid yesterday. I should have just deleted this post. I was just feeling so down and unhappy. Ugh. I'm back to thinking clearly today. (Plus it helps to get a kick in the ass from people!)

      Delete
  5. I am sorry you had such a crummy day! Like all the other commenters, I think the run/walk method is completely legit. That was my plan for my ultra (walk the hills) and probably what got me through it! I don't do a regular run/walk the rest of the time cause it makes me too cold in the winter, and it bugs my knees in the summer, but I have plenty of friends who run using that method all the time and have PR'd from it! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was just being a cranky butt. I'm mostly over it. =)

      Delete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.