2013 was supposed to be the year that my running took off. Second year into the sport, good races lined up, lots of supportive friends, more miles under my belt. It was going to be my year.
So far, it hasn't exactly gone according to plan. I'm healthy. My family is healthy. My husband has a job, we have a lovely home, I have great friends. I am in no way trying to play the "Woe is me, my life sucks" card. That is reserved for people with bigger problems. But I do have a problem right now, and it's driving me a little batty.
I love running. Running, however, does not appear to love me. I literally take two steps forward and one step backwards. (No, really - I used "literally" right. I run in freaking circles - and have run backwards on quite a few occasions!)
Three weeks from Sunday, I am supposed to run a 10 mile race. I signed up ages ago, had to wait to hear if I was picked in the lottery, and then sent off my $65 or whatever the heck it was. I committed. I had a plan all mapped out on how I was going to increase my daily runs and my weekly mileage and I was going to run the race and finish smiling. I had a plan, man.
As it stands, between injury and illness, I am nowhere near where I wanted to be 3 weeks out from this race. I am feeling underwhelmed, unexcited, and frankly, pissed off that I'm even signed up for it. I don't want to run the race, because it's not going to be the way I had planned.
But then my rational side (HAHAHAHAHA. Sorry, that's only really funny if you know me) kicks in and says "But you have a half marathon scheduled a month after the 10 miler! You'd need to run long that weekend anyway, why not just do the darn race?"
So then I'm all pouty and pissed about the HM, too, because - again - not where I wanted to be at this point! I don't know what to do. Run the races, very possibly have a really shitty time at each, and chalk it up to experience, or just skip them and possibly feel bad about myself afterwards?
My brain is not helping matters, because it just pointed out to me that back in October, when I was considering skipping a 5K because I didn't think it was going to go well and I was feeling pouty and sorry for myself, it turned out to be the best run I've ever had and I managed a huge PR.